Supporting Your Foster Teen During Transitions at School and Beyond

As we move into September, many children across the UK will be starting back at school. We’re sharing advice on how to help your foster child to navigate their teenage years while at secondary school, as well as how you can support your foster child once they turn 18.

The challenges of teenage life  

We all remember what it was like to be a teenager— a changing body, changing friendships, the pressure of achieving at school. Many teens feel a deep desire to be accepted by others, trying to figure out their place in the world all while experiencing massive hormonal, physical and brain-based changes. It’s no wonder why most people find their teenage years challenging!  

When you add the difficulties of being care-experienced into the mix, things become even more complex for teenagers in care. When you choose to foster a teenager, it’s your responsibility to help your young person to navigate their ever-changing world. Here are 5 tips to help you to support a teenager through their exams and beyond.  

5 ways to help your foster child at secondary school

  1. Make your home a haven.

    Secondary school can be stressful in so many ways, from exams to navigating the complexities of school social dynamics. It’s imperative that your young person has somewhere safe and calm to unwind. Ensuring that your foster child’s room is a the right environment for them to be able to relax, get some alone time and do their schoolwork and exam preparation is essential.

    Don’t take it personally if your young person prefers to spend a lot of time in their room after school—  a long day of learning surrounded by other kids and so much pressure can be overstimulating, and taking the time to decompress with a gaming session or by chatting over Facetime with friends might be just what they need after a long, tiring day. Respect their boundaries and make your home a place of calm, comfort and open communication.

  2. Support their independence.

    A key part of attending high school as a teen is what it teaches children about being responsible and independent, whether that’s hitting deadlines, getting themselves to and from school or starting to make their own big decisions, like choosing their GCSE or A-Level subjects. You can support them from behind the scenes by developing close relationships with teachers and any support staff involved in your foster child’s success, such as SENCO leads and education specialists.

    Remember not to solely rely on school to teach them all of the skills they’ll need to flourish as an adult; while they may receive a PSHE lesson and a cooking class or two on huge life skills like budgeting, household management and keeping themselves fed and healthy, they’ll learn far more at home if you take the time to offer your experience and some hands-on learning.

  3. Celebrate their wins— both big and small.

    Nothing feels quite as good as knowing that the people who you care about are fighting in your corner. Whether it’s getting their homework in on time after a difficult week or smashing their exams, show your foster child just how proud you are of the effort they put in to get through each school day.

    A simple ‘well done’ or a hand-written card can really help your foster child to feel proud of their achievements at school. While there’s no need to spend big, having something exciting to work towards— such as a pair of new trainers or a family meal out to celebrate them finishing their exams— can be hugely motivating to help your foster child achieve.

  4. Teach them about navigating relationships and staying safe.

    School isn’t just about teaching kids Maths and English. It’s about learning how to be a member of society, and how to navigate relationships with others— both people we get along with and those we don’t. You can play a key role in helping your foster child to develop their social skills by helping them to gain a healthy understanding of relationships, whether that’s their relationships with school friends, teachers, or people they become interested in romantically. Check out our guidance on understanding healthy relationships to help spark a conversation.

    There can also be a lot of pressure to fit in school social circles, and another element which you’ll likely see play out in your foster teenager’s social life is risk-taking. It’s a normal part of teenage development, and teenagers gain a heightened sense of reward from talking risks due to heightened sensitivity in their developing brain. Your role as a foster parent is to help them balance those risks. Don’t rely on school alone to teach them about potentially challenging topics such as sexual health and making safe choices around substance use— our training for foster parents on these subjects and more will help you to approach these topics with confidence and openness.

  5. Help prepare them for the future.

    Leaving school and approaching the time where they’ll soon be leaving care can be a scary and exciting time for any looked after child. Foster children who are approaching 18 have many options available to them, including pursuing further education in the form of BTEC qualifications, A-Levels and T-Levels, as well as apprenticeships in all kinds of fields, from carpentry and joinery to catering and beauty-related courses. Using the Government’s Find an Apprenticeship service can really help to kickstart your young person’s career search.

    Post-18, your young person’s next step options include finding their first job and pursuing a career, taking on further education at university or even a Degree Apprenticeship, an option which allows young people to get a degree while earning a wage, without going into debt for their trouble. Don’t forget to take advantage of the resources available for care leavers pursing higher education.  

Looking for resources for your foster teenager? Our advice hub for young people contains tons of tips and articles on navigating the ups and downs of teenage life, such as skills for independent living and how to find your first job.  

How can I support my foster child when they leave school? 

Worried about how the young person in your care might navigate the transition to independent living as they approach 18? Perhaps it’s time to consider a ‘Staying Put’ arrangement with your foster child.  

‘Staying Put’ in foster care means that your young person can live with you past the age of 18, for as long as the two of you agree to it. Learn more about what it means to Stay Put as a care leaver, or speak with your supervising social worker to find out more.  

Could you foster a teen? 

Across the UK, there are many older children and teenagers who are waiting for homes. Perhaps you’d love to foster a teenager, but worry that you’ll struggle to navigate the complex issues which can prop up in a teen’s life as they approach adulthood. Don’t worry— you’ll have all the support and training you need at FCA, and we’re only ever at the other end of the phone when you need us.  

Fostering teenagers really is uniquely rewarding. You’ll have the chance to build a lifelong bond, share your skills and help shape a young person’s future as they step into their independence. If you believe you could support a teenager through fostering, contact our team today to learn more, or learn more about the unique benefits of choosing to foster a teenager.  

How you could make a Difference by Fostering Teenagers

Myths around fostering teenagers

Some people may at first feel intimidated by the thought of fostering teenagers. This is no surprise when our mainstream media often depicts teens as anti-social. Whether it’s the ASBO stereotype of the 1990’s to early 2010’s or the current narrative that teens are obsessed with their phones an unwilling to socialise, teenagers often get unfair treatment in our society.  

This is especially true for teenagers who have experience of being in the foster care system. Prejudice against care-experienced people has been widely documented, with several recent campaigns calling for care experience to be made a protected characteristic under UK law.  

The truth is, fostering teens can be an incredibly rewarding, fun and life-changing experience. Currently, we have a UK-wide shortage of foster parents who are ready to open up their homes to teens. Because of this need, we’re always eager to encourage our foster parents to consider fostering a teenager, and we love to welcome more foster parents who are passionate about giving teenagers the chance to become part of a loving and accepting family. 

foster a teenager

Teenage brain development and trauma

If you’ve ever looked at a teen and thought, “what is going on in their head—?” The answer is an awful lot! Throughout puberty our brains undergo enormous changes. These changes explain many of the behaviours which we associate with teens, including poor impulse control, self-consciousness and risk-taking. The brain also undergoes synaptic pruning, where old synaptic connections are recycled to make room for new ones; this largely happens when a teenager is asleep, and along with hormonal changes may explain their reluctance to get out of bed at this age.  

For teenagers in care, the brain-based effects of approaching young adulthood can be made more complicated by the effects of living with trauma as a result of their early childhood experiences. Trauma can have a negative impact on a child’s development, influencing areas including their brain’s threat, reward and memory systems. Here at FCA we aim to provide therapeutic foster care which is tailored to each child’s needs, recognising how trauma may have an impact on their development.  

Download our free guide to understanding trauma in children

Unique challenges for teens in care 

  • Finding a home. Older children are sadly less likely to be fostered. Because of a shortage of foster parents who are able to welcome teenagers, many older children live in supported accommodation or shared homes. While these forms of accommodation provide children with a safe place to stay and guidance from staff, they don’t provide the same benefits which can be found in a loving family home environment, and the sense of belonging which comes with being part of a family unit.  
  •  Sibling separation. When a group of siblings are removed from their family home, an effort will be made to keep the children together. However, as there are few foster parents who can welcome sibling groups, older children are often separated from their younger siblings. This may do long-term damage to their relationship and sense of self and can be especially challenging for children who have experienced parentification (where they may have had to take on the role of being a caregiver to their younger siblings). 
  • Adultification. It is often easy to forget that teenagers are still children, and to treat them as though they were adults. Because teens are seen as having more autonomy than younger children, they can be unfairly labelled as ‘imperfect victims’ who need to be reformed rather than cared for. Some may even fall prey to victim-blaming because of an assumption that teenagers are taken into care because of bad behaviour— this is a false stereotype. Instead, children enter the care system because of a range of traumatic home experiences which are never their fault. These can include losing family members, facing neglect or being a victim of abuse. 
  • Vulnerability to exploitation. Children in care are especially vulnerable to predatory behaviour from adults, including sexual exploitation and county lines recruitment by gangs. Teens are much more likely to be victimized by someone outside of the home than a younger child would be due to their independence from their caregivers. By becoming a foster parent to a teenager, you’ll be providing them with a caring and protective family environment which can help to shield them from exploitation.    

5 benefits of fostering teenagers

There are so many reasons to foster a teenager, and by doing so you’ll be making a huge difference. Here are just a few fantastic reasons why you should consider fostering a teen: 

 

Help the children most in need of somewhere safe to stay. Many teenagers will have gone through a variety of moves while in care, leaving them with a lack of stability. By opening up your home to teenagers you’ll be giving teens a safe family environment to grow and thrive in, giving them stability and support during a crucial time in their development.   

 Help prepare them for adulthood. Preparing to enter the adult world can be a scary time, especially for children who have grown up without a safe and secure home life. By welcoming a teenager into your family, you’ll have the opportunity to teach them important life skills, prepare them for the world of work and shape their future for the better. As well as teaching them practical skills, you will also help them to develop essential social and emotional skills, including modelling healthy relationships and helping them to learn to trust others.  

Build a lifelong bond. Many foster parents find that looking after teens is the right fostering path for them for a variety of reasons. These include the fact that caring for teens involves less running around than with little children, and that teens are often more independent, giving you more flexibility. Fostering teenagers also allows you to connect on a more mature level and develop deep bonds based on mutual interests. Your special connection doesn’t have to end once they turn eighteen, either; many young adults who have lived in long-term fostering stay with their family until they are ready to leave home, under an arrangement known as ‘Staying Put.’   

Change the life of a sanctuary-seeking child. Most unaccompanied children who come to the UK seeing asylum are teenage boys. These children often come from economically deprived and war-torn countries and arrive seeking safety and a better life. They may arrive afraid and exhausted, speaking little or no English and having no support system around them. By becoming a foster parent to a sanctuary-seeking child, you can provide these vulnerable children with care, protection and the promise of a brighter future.   

Benefit from support from FCA. Here at FCA we’ll support you on your journey to fostering a teenager, with a range of specialised training and a higher rate of fostering allowance for those who choose to take care of older children. We also run events appropriate for teens where they can make new friends who share their experiences, as well as support groups and coffee mornings for out foster parents. Learn more about how our wide range of support can help your family.  

 

Can you foster a teenager? 

If you’re considering fostering a teenager, be assured that you could make the world of difference to not only a child’s life now, but to their future. Why not check out our page to learn more about fostering teens, or enquire with us today to speak directly with one of our friendly fostering advisors.  

 

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