Mother’s Day is often filled with images of breakfast in bed, handmade cards, and families celebrating together. For many people, it’s a joyful day. But for children in foster care, Mother’s Day can feel very different. As someone who grew up in foster care myself, I remember how complicated days like this could be. Mother’s Day didn’t feel simple. It brought up a lot of feelings that were hard to explain, love, sadness, confusion, and sometimes guilt.
When you’re a child in care, you may still love your mum deeply and miss her every day, even if you can’t live with her. At the same time, you might be living with foster carers who are caring for you, supporting you, and showing you kindness. As a child, that can leave you feeling caught in the middle.
You might wonder who you’re supposed to celebrate.
Me and Michelle, my Foster Carer.
You might worry that making a card for your foster carer means you’re betraying your mum. Or you might feel sad seeing other children celebrating when your own situation feels different. Sometimes the easiest option is to pretend the day doesn’t exist at all. Looking back now, I understand that those feelings were completely normal. But as a child, it can feel very lonely trying to make sense of them.
Me and My Mum.
What made the biggest difference to me were the adults who didn’t force the day to look a certain way. The ones who allowed space for my feelings, even when they were messy or confusing. Now, through my work supporting children and young people in care, I see just how powerful that understanding can be.
Foster carers play an incredibly important role in helping children navigate these moments. They provide safety, patience and stability, sometimes at times when children are carrying a lot of big emotions. And on days like Mother’s Day, that understanding can mean everything.
Supporting Children on Mother’s Day
There is no “right” way for a child in care to experience Mother’s Day. Every child’s story is different, and their feelings may change from year to year. But there are small ways carers can help children feel supported.
Let children lead the day
Some children may want to talk about their mum, make a card, or mark the day in some way. Others may prefer to treat it like any other day. Giving them that choice can remove a lot of pressure.
Acknowledge that it can be difficult
Sometimes simply recognising that the day might feel hard can help a child feel understood.
Avoid putting children in the middleChildren often feel a strong sense of loyalty to their birth families. Reassuring them that it’s okay to care about more than one person can ease that internal conflict.
Create a safe space for feelings
Children may feel sadness, anger, curiosity, or love, sometimes all at once. Letting them know that all of these feelings are valid is incredibly important.
Mother’s Day in fostering households may not always look like the pictures we see on social media or in shop windows. But what children in care need most isn’t a perfect day.
They need patience.
They need understanding.
And they need adults who recognise that love and loss can exist side by side.
As someone who once experienced Mother’s Day as a child in care, I know how powerful it can be when a caring adult simply says: however you feel today is okay.
Sometimes, that understanding can mean more than any card or celebration ever could.
