When you are looked after in a new home by adults you don’t know, you might feel like your whole world has been turned upside down. Lots of things can change, from your home and community to your school and the people around you.
You may also be missing people you love or who’ve always been by your side, wondering when you’ll see or talk to them again. But just because you’re in care doesn’t mean that you should have to say goodbye to all the people that matter to you.
Whether that’s friends, extended family, or neighbours, in this blog, you’ll learn how FCA supports your relationships with the special people in your life.
Who matters to you?
You might have a friend you’ve known your whole life, an auntie you feel ‘gets you’, or a cousin you’ve always spent lots of time with. All these relationships have made you who you are today and help you understand how you fit into the world.
When you initially move into care, you might not think about these relationships at first, as you learn to live with your foster family. But, as time goes on, those people who have made you feel loved, supported, understood, and as if you belong will likely play on your mind, and you on theirs.
Whether you’ve moved away or haven’t spoken to someone for a while, these relationships are important, and we’ll do our best to help you get back in touch and keep those relationships going.
How we support your connections
At FCA, there are lots of people who care about you and want the people who are important to you to be part of your life, from your foster parents and social worker to our participation team. If you’re missing someone, they’ll do all they can to help you reach out to the person.
Here are the steps usually involved:
Talk to the adults in your life
If you want to stay in touch with someone special to you, talk to your foster parents or social worker. If you don’t, they won’t be able to help you because, although they are pretty awesome people, they may not always know what you’re thinking and feeling. So when you get a chance, such as at the dinner table, on a walk around the park, or in the car on the way to school, you could say something like:
- ‘I really want to keep in touch with [person’s name].’
- ‘They are important to me.’
- ‘They have always been there for me.’
- ‘Can we find a way to stay in touch?’
- ‘Could I message them or send a letter?’
Starting the conversation is the first step to showing us the people that matter to you. Your foster parents and social worker will listen and support you every step of the way.
Understanding your relationship
Once you’ve told someone you want to stay in touch with a person who’s important to you, your foster parents and social worker will want to learn more about the person and your relationship with them.
They might ask you how you know the person and what part they have in your life. They may also ask you how this relationship makes you feel, to help you think about whether it is a good, safe relationship or one that isn’t making you feel okay.
Everyone wants you to keep the relationships that are important to you, but keeping you safe is the most important thing. This means the adults looking after you need to make sure that talking to or meeting this person won’t put you in danger and is really the best thing for you.
Agreement about staying in touch
Once your social worker and foster parents have discussed the relationship with you and made sure it’s safe, an agreement about how you’ll stay in contact with the person will be created, which may include:
- Text or WhatsApp messages
- Phone calls
- Video calls
- Letters
- Meeting somewhere safe for a day out.
The agreement will also include how often you’ll stay in touch with the person to make sure arrangements fit into your life alongside your hobbies, school, other friendships and time with your foster family. For example, if you’re going to meet up, will this happen once a month or twice a year? And will you see them during celebrations and occasions?
Why staying connected isn’t always possible
Sometimes, even when everyone tries their best, you can’t always stay in touch with certain people. This might be because we don’t have the right phone number or address, or because staying in contact could make things unsafe for you.
However, just because you can’t keep in touch with someone doesn’t mean you’re expected to simply forget about the person. The best thing to do is to talk to your foster parents about how this makes you feel. It’s completely normal to feel angry or upset that you can’t contact someone you love, and they may be able to help you remember these people in another way, including:
- Journalling: You could write down all the special memories you have with this person to remind yourself how much they mean to you.
- Letters: You could write letters to the person and keep them in a special box until you’re able to deliver them to the person yourself.
- Memory books: If you have photos of the person and the time you’ve spent together, you could create a memory book or frame a photo and place it by your bed. This way, whenever you miss them, you can look at the photos and enjoy your memories.
- Talking about them: Never be afraid to talk about the people you love. This can help you feel connected to them even when you can’t see them, and gives you a chance to share all the special stories you have with this person with the other important people in your life.
We care about your relationships
At FCA, we care about the things that matter to you and understand the importance of staying in contact with people who’ve been a big part of your life. When you talk to us, we don’t just listen; we take the steps needed to fully support you with whatever it is you need.
Every relationship is part of the jigsaw that makes you who you are, and wherever possible, we’ll help you continue enjoying these relationships while you’re in our care.
If there’s a special person that you’ve been missing, and it’s playing on your mind, talk to your foster parents or social worker today.
