Meet Paul and Kay – a Fostering Family

“There were a few things that made me start to look at fostering. I wasn’t enjoying my current job role anymore, I didn’t feel challenged and I’ve always thrived on a challenge. When I saw social media adverts and news stories about the shortage of foster parents, I thought to myself, ‘Do you know what? That’s something I wouldn’t mind giving a go.’

With the life experience I’d gained, and the fact that Kay and I were rattling around in a four-bedroom house, it felt like something we could really do. Then COVID came along, and everything paused for a while.”

“By 2023, I still wasn’t enjoying work, and Kay kept saying I needed a fresh challenge, a fresh start. That’s when we decided to seriously look into fostering. For us, it offered a better work–life balance and the chance to give something meaningful back. I realised I was never going to change the world for everyone, but what I could do was make a difference for a few children who we fostered. For us, it’s about helping and supporting children who’ve had difficult experiences and finding ways to make things a little better for them. That’s really where our motivation came from.”

“The whole process felt well-organised and straightforward. It wasn’t pushy, just efficient everything scheduled and followed through as promised. That gave me confidence from the start, and the experience since has been very positive.”

“The assessment process took four months, and we were approved at 12:15, with the first child arriving at 4:30pm the same day as an emergency short break placement. Shortly afterwards, we received a referral for three long-term siblings: a 12 year old girl and her seven year old twin brothers.”

“Poppy has been fantastic. She’s relaxed and chilled and has adapted to fostering effortlessly. Everyone who meets her says she is brilliant. The boys enjoy spending time with her and there’s a lot of mutual respect between them. Recently, she went out to lunch with their sister, which really highlighted the positive relationships they have built.

Lasting memories

“We had met the three children briefly before they moved in, but one memory has always stayed with me. On this particular day, I was picking them up from school. Usually, they went from the classroom to the office to wait for transport, but one child asked to be collected from the playground just to feel like normal children for once.”

“I arrived early, met the teacher, and was shown where to stand. The boys came out first, hand in hand with their teaching assistant, and ran over for a hug. We walked across the playground together, and then their sister came out and introduced me to her friends.  It was only the second time I had seen them and the first time I had picked them up, but that moment has stayed with me. It reminds me that children don’t want to be singled out, they want to feel ordinary, accepted and included. In our home, all the children are treated equally, with the same treats, rules, boundaries and access to enrichment activities.”

What have been the challenges in fostering for you and your partner?

“The biggest challenge was finding time for each other. The first few months were intense. I focused on building trust with the children, which was essential, but it meant that Kay and I rarely had any quality time together. Our household changed to a busy home with four children where our attention was constantly needed. All our children wanted support and balancing that while maintaining our relationship at times was difficult. Kay and I always had a full social life and that really took a back seat.”

“Eventually, we found ways to make it work by establishing a routine and getting support from family. With Kay leaving work to foster full-time, we were also able to spend some quality time together. But at the start, the children’s needs had to come first, and I often put myself fully into being there for them. Looking back, it was definitely the right decision. Focusing fully on the children helped them settle much faster. Social workers were surprised at how quickly their confidence and behaviour improved. Having a clear routine helped. The children had set mealtimes, downtime and bedtimes, which gave them security. Our meetings are scheduled on certain days, leaving time during the week for us to ride the horses together and spend time as a couple. Challenges with the children have been managed as they arose, but the biggest adjustment was for us as a couple, but we found a balance and routine that works for everyone.”

How would you sum up your fostering experience as a whole?

“It’s been amazing, with some massive highs and a few challenging lows. One of the most rewarding aspects has been watching the children grow and develop, from learning to read to gaining independence with daily routines. Fostering has been challenging but hugely rewarding and humbling, and I’m still learning new things every day.”

What advice would you give to someone thinking about fostering?

“My advice would be to go in with an open mind. Every child is different and have different needs. No amount of training can fully prepare you for that first child arriving. It can feel daunting at first, but you just have to get past those initial nerves, the child will be nervous too. Be open to each child’s needs and personality. There are so many children with different experiences and behaviours, but I’m really glad we chose to foster it’s been incredibly rewarding. If you’re thinking about it sometimes, just go for it.”

Get in touch today

Call our friendly team for more information on fostering in the North East, or throughout the UK.

We’ll answer any questions you might have and support you through every step of the application journey.