As we move into September, many children across the UK will be starting back at school. We’re sharing advice on how to help your foster child to navigate their teenage years while at secondary school, as well as how you can support your foster child once they turn 18.
The challenges of teenage life
We all remember what it was like to be a teenager— a changing body, changing friendships, the pressure of achieving at school. Many teens feel a deep desire to be accepted by others, trying to figure out their place in the world all while experiencing massive hormonal, physical and brain-based changes. It’s no wonder why most people find their teenage years challenging!
When you add the difficulties of being care-experienced into the mix, things become even more complex for teenagers in care. When you choose to foster a teenager, it’s your responsibility to help your young person to navigate their ever-changing world. Here are 5 tips to help you to support a teenager through their exams and beyond.
5 ways to help your foster child at secondary school
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Make your home a haven.
Secondary school can be stressful in so many ways, from exams to navigating the complexities of school social dynamics. It’s imperative that your young person has somewhere safe and calm to unwind. Ensuring that your foster child’s room is a the right environment for them to be able to relax, get some alone time and do their schoolwork and exam preparation is essential.
Don’t take it personally if your young person prefers to spend a lot of time in their room after school— a long day of learning surrounded by other kids and so much pressure can be overstimulating, and taking the time to decompress with a gaming session or by chatting over Facetime with friends might be just what they need after a long, tiring day. Respect their boundaries and make your home a place of calm, comfort and open communication.
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Support their independence.
A key part of attending high school as a teen is what it teaches children about being responsible and independent, whether that’s hitting deadlines, getting themselves to and from school or starting to make their own big decisions, like choosing their GCSE or A-Level subjects. You can support them from behind the scenes by developing close relationships with teachers and any support staff involved in your foster child’s success, such as SENCO leads and education specialists.
Remember not to solely rely on school to teach them all of the skills they’ll need to flourish as an adult; while they may receive a PSHE lesson and a cooking class or two on huge life skills like budgeting, household management and keeping themselves fed and healthy, they’ll learn far more at home if you take the time to offer your experience and some hands-on learning.
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Celebrate their wins— both big and small.
Nothing feels quite as good as knowing that the people who you care about are fighting in your corner. Whether it’s getting their homework in on time after a difficult week or smashing their exams, show your foster child just how proud you are of the effort they put in to get through each school day.
A simple ‘well done’ or a hand-written card can really help your foster child to feel proud of their achievements at school. While there’s no need to spend big, having something exciting to work towards— such as a pair of new trainers or a family meal out to celebrate them finishing their exams— can be hugely motivating to help your foster child achieve.
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Teach them about navigating relationships and staying safe.
School isn’t just about teaching kids Maths and English. It’s about learning how to be a member of society, and how to navigate relationships with others— both people we get along with and those we don’t. You can play a key role in helping your foster child to develop their social skills by helping them to gain a healthy understanding of relationships, whether that’s their relationships with school friends, teachers, or people they become interested in romantically. Check out our guidance on understanding healthy relationships to help spark a conversation.
There can also be a lot of pressure to fit in school social circles, and another element which you’ll likely see play out in your foster teenager’s social life is risk-taking. It’s a normal part of teenage development, and teenagers gain a heightened sense of reward from talking risks due to heightened sensitivity in their developing brain. Your role as a foster parent is to help them balance those risks. Don’t rely on school alone to teach them about potentially challenging topics such as sexual health and making safe choices around substance use— our training for foster parents on these subjects and more will help you to approach these topics with confidence and openness.
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Help prepare them for the future.
Leaving school and approaching the time where they’ll soon be leaving care can be a scary and exciting time for any looked after child. Foster children who are approaching 18 have many options available to them, including pursuing further education in the form of BTEC qualifications, A-Levels and T-Levels, as well as apprenticeships in all kinds of fields, from carpentry and joinery to catering and beauty-related courses. Using the Government’s Find an Apprenticeship service can really help to kickstart your young person’s career search.
Post-18, your young person’s next step options include finding their first job and pursuing a career, taking on further education at university or even a Degree Apprenticeship, an option which allows young people to get a degree while earning a wage, without going into debt for their trouble. Don’t forget to take advantage of the resources available for care leavers pursing higher education.
Looking for resources for your foster teenager? Our advice hub for young people contains tons of tips and articles on navigating the ups and downs of teenage life, such as skills for independent living and how to find your first job.
How can I support my foster child when they leave school?
Worried about how the young person in your care might navigate the transition to independent living as they approach 18? Perhaps it’s time to consider a ‘Staying Put’ arrangement with your foster child.
‘Staying Put’ in foster care means that your young person can live with you past the age of 18, for as long as the two of you agree to it. Learn more about what it means to Stay Put as a care leaver, or speak with your supervising social worker to find out more.
Could you foster a teen?
Across the UK, there are many older children and teenagers who are waiting for homes. Perhaps you’d love to foster a teenager, but worry that you’ll struggle to navigate the complex issues which can prop up in a teen’s life as they approach adulthood. Don’t worry— you’ll have all the support and training you need at FCA, and we’re only ever at the other end of the phone when you need us.
Fostering teenagers really is uniquely rewarding. You’ll have the chance to build a lifelong bond, share your skills and help shape a young person’s future as they step into their independence. If you believe you could support a teenager through fostering, contact our team today to learn more, or learn more about the unique benefits of choosing to foster a teenager.
