From “I’m not sure if fostering is for me” to “I couldn’t live without her.”

An emotional journey

Fostering is undoubtedly an emotional experience for everyone involved. Sarah experienced the loss of her dad in a traumatic way when she was just 16, she said: “It was 30 years ago now, but it’s still hard and at the time it was obviously really difficult. The team at FCA told me my experience would put me in a good position to help children and young people who might’ve been through a similar thing. What people don’t realise is that their own experiences – whatever they might be – will help them in some way with a foster child.”

At the start of their fostering journey Sarah had to convince Xhimi to foster, but today he and his foster daughter have ‘the best relationship ever’. Xhimi works away Monday to Friday, so the weekends are entirely devoted to some daddy-daughter time swimming.

Sarah said: “Honestly speaking, there was a conversation we had when Xhimi said ‘What have we done? I’m not sure if this is for me’ when we’d just started on our fostering journey. Not long later, we were going on holiday to celebrate Xhimi’s 50th birthday and our foster daughter sadly couldn’t come with us because her passport didn’t arrive in time – otherwise she would have been there!”

“It got to the day before we were going and Xhimi said to me, ‘Sarah, how are we going to go without her for two weeks?!’ She stayed with some of our friends and we know she was so well looked after, but we were just lost without her. She’s part of the family and we wouldn’t want to live without her and we laugh about that conversation when we weren’t sure!”

Supporting children with additional needs

Initially, Sarah and Xhimi’s foster daughter struggled with attachment and physical touch and she was also non-verbal. Now she’s six, she has mastered a number of words and is deeply bonded with Sarah and Xhimi and their two children. She’s making wonderful progress in every area of her life including at the SEND school she now attends.

Sarah said: “She has made massive improvements all round. At our most recent school review everybody was in tears because of how much progress she’s made. Her nanny and grandad attended the call from where they live, and even they were crying.”

To support their foster daughter’s learning, development and communication, Sarah and Xhimi have a number of methods in place to make things easier, and believe that more people could support children with additional needs with the right support and training.

“Lots of people think they don’t have the right skills to foster, but you get all the training you need for you and for the child in your care and if I ever have any questions or problems there’s always someone available, if that’s the office manager or my social worker.”

Through gentle encouragement and patience, Sarah and Xhimi have witnessed progress that some people never thought would be possible, Sarah said: “It’s even little things like when she arrived she would eat nothing but chicken nuggets and chips- we hear that a lot with children in care. We started exploring different food types through messy play and now there’s not much she won’t eat. She’ll eat a full Sunday dinner, and even has a bit of gravy on the side. This might seem like a tiny thing to lots of people, but to a child in care this is a huge achievement.”

Advocacy for foster children

Through her experience working with children throughout her life and training from FCA on the needs of children in care, Sarah has learnt that behaviour is a form of communication and wishes more people knew what so many children and young people in care have been through.

Sarah said: “These kids aren’t bad, you know? They’ve got trauma. We’ve got to remember they might not be able to communicate like you and me but that doesn’t mean they’re bad. They just need patience and understanding and a nice calm household to live in where they feel loved. That’s what foster parents are for. The rewards you get from seeing your foster child progress are amazing, it is such a rewarding job. I tell all my friends, if they’ve got a spare room then they could do this too!”

Fostering with FCA

A few of Sarah’s friends foster and they all gave their opinions on which agency to choose, but Sarah wanted to choose for herself knowing that the agency has to be the right fit for the family, she said:

“The first fostering agency we met with came to the house and painted this incredible picture of fostering. They said it would be easy and the children would all be an absolute dream to work with no complications or any sort… I thought that’s great. Then Alistair from FCA Yorkshire and Lincolnshire’s team came along. He gave us a very real picture of fostering and the important – more challenging things – prospective foster parents need to consider.

“I thought about it for a while and thought FCA just sounded so genuine and honest, and that’s exactly what you need. We need to know worst case scenarios and exactly what could happen. On top of that the agency is so child-led and the support and training for foster parents is brilliant. So that was it. FCA was the one for us and we haven’t looked back.”

Get in touch today

Call our friendly team for more information on fostering in Yorkshire and Lincolnshire, or throughout the UK.

We’ll answer any questions you might have and support you through every step of the application journey.