Some people are put off fostering because they think you have to be the ‘perfect’ foster parent to make a difference. But the truth is, ‘perfect’ foster parents don’t actually exist.
At FCA, we have lots of wonderful foster carers who have devoted their lives to giving children in foster care the childhood they deserve. They aren’t ‘perfect’ because no one is, but they are there for their foster children every single day, helping them heal from their trauma, learn to trust others again, and build brighter futures.
They all have the qualities of a good foster parent – patience, resilience, compassion and understanding –things that probably already come naturally to you. So if you’re worried about whether you have what it takes to change a child’s life, join us as we explore these qualities in more detail.
What qualities make a good foster carer?
Just like every child is unique, so are their foster parents. However, they all share similar qualities that help them support the most vulnerable children and young people in society, including:
A good sense of humour
Not only does a good sense of humour help you through challenging days, but it is also crucial for building trust with your foster children.
Whether it’s coming up with a silly song together or de-escalating a tense moment by approaching it in a light-hearted way, humour can help children feel safe enough to let down their walls and open up to you.
Over time, this will help you bond and create a relaxed home environment where everyone feels safe to be themselves.
A compassionate heart
It might sound obvious, but compassion is an essential quality for all foster parents. And it doesn’t just mean having sympathy for a child’s past experiences, although important, it’s about understanding how their past impacts their thoughts, feelings, behaviour, and relationships today.
Children in care are often stigmatised for their trauma responses, but good foster parents look beyond their behaviour to see what’s really going on. They take a therapeutic approach, working with therapists and other fostering professionals to help children in care heal from their experiences and learn new, healthy ways to cope with their thoughts and feelings.
The resilience to never give up
Fostering is incredibly rewarding, but let’s be honest, it’s not a walk in the park. Foster parent, Pauline, summed it up well in her fostering story, she said, “There are massive highs and lows – they can put you through it a little bit”.
Many children in care have been through incredibly difficult experiences, and all will have suffered some form of loss and grief. This can make it hard for them to trust others, regulate their emotions, and verbalise their thoughts and feelings.
They need foster parents who can provide them with stability, which means resilience is an essential quality, helping you face challenges head-on and not give up when things feel hard. However, this doesn’t mean tackling things alone. At FCA, we’re by your side, providing 24/7 support and therapeutic foster carer training that will help you and the children in your care thrive.
Endless patience
When you foster a child, the journey is rarely linear. Sometimes it might feel like for every step you take forward, you take two steps back.
But even when progress feels small, you’ll likely be making more of a difference than you realise. For example, if the child in your care refuses to brush their teeth from Monday to Wednesday, and you manage to encourage them to do it on Thursday, but it feels like a battle again on Friday, it might feel frustrating, but you’ve made progress. You can then build on this progress the next week, and they might brush their teeth two days in a row and so on.
This is why you need to have patience – to go at the child’s pace, celebrate the small wins, and build on the tiny steps you take with them.
The self-awareness to know when to ask for help
Fostering is a full-time job. Whether you’re dropping the kids off at school, attending training, or managing family time arrangements, there’s lots to think about. Over time, if you’re not careful, things might start to pile on top of you and trigger burnout, which can make life feel very bleak.
That’s where self-awareness comes in. As a foster parent, you need to know your limits and understand that asking for help is not a weakness; it’s a strength. Trying to cope with everything alone is unsustainable – it takes a village to raise a child.
At FCA, we don’t expect you to care for a foster child on your own. Our Team Parenting model means that you’ll have help from our network of childcare experts who’ll support you in nurturing every aspect of their well-being. We also organise regular support groups and meet-ups where you can share your experiences with other foster parents and build an even wider network of support.
Respect and trust
Respect is a two-way street – for children to trust and respect you, they need to feel respected and trusted themselves.
It doesn’t matter which type of fostering you provide, whether you’re a short-term or long-term foster parent; children in care need to feel appreciated for who they are, where they’ve come from, and where they are now. This means respecting their culture and faith, their thoughts and feelings, and celebrating their achievements.
They also need to be trusted to make some decisions about their lives because they’ve had little to no say in anything that’s happened to them up until this point. Whether that’s letting them choose what they have for dinner, when they do their homework, or where you’ll all go on holiday next, when you show a child that you trust and respect them, they’re more likely to trust and respect you.
Ready to become a good foster parent?
Do you have the qualities featured in this article to become a good foster parent? If the answer is yes, call us now on 0800 023 4561 or submit an enquiry to learn more about fostering, including foster care allowances, support, training, and more.
